Rewind

If you could, would you return to a moment from your past? I feel like that’s a question that hides in the back of everyone’s minds. Slowly creeping from the shadows until it finds an opportunity in the quiet silence to reveal itself. And just like that, it makes you start thinking. Of good moments, of bad ones, funny and even embarrassing ones. But of them all, which one would you re-experience. You and your siblings playing at the indoor community pool? Or your cousins 12^th birthday, when the candles almost slid off the cake and set the whole table aflame?

In my 16 years of life, I can barely recount moments that seemed so important that they’d stick with me for a lifetime. But memories are also a vague thing. For instance, I remember biting my brother’s head while hiding under the dining table. Bizarre isn’t it. That’s one of my oldest memories and a moment I would love to see. Although, I once discussed this with my brother who had no recollection of it at all. Even my mother and father didn’t remember. And it made me think. Was this a moment that actually occurred, or was it fabricated in my head? Slowly conjured up to cover something that didn’t want to be seen. Or was it there to fill a lonely void in the darkness?

 That’s the weird thing about memories, we never know what the complete truth is. By tomorrow, I’ll have a vivid description of these words, these phrases I attentively sprinkled onto a paper. In a couple years, there’s a chance (although very low) that I’ll still remember everything about it. Maybe I’ll remember the color of the sky as I fussed over topics in my head. The pale blue walls that were supposed to stimulate active learning, yet there I was with no ideas on how the heck I would satisfy the prompt. But there is also the possibility that this will be nothing more than an essay. No sentiments or explanations to remind why I wrote it like this. Or maybe I’ll forget the existence of this essay altogether. And that’s the sad thing about it—about memories. You lose those golden feelings in time. You may not completely forget it, but I guarantee you wouldn’t feel it as strongly as you once did.

 Then again, there is a beauty in memories. They’re a security blanket that engulf us at random moments in time. Memories, even the faux memories, recall you with moments of triumph that could ignite a fire of passion in you. They are also the demons that haunt us, that restrict us, for the fear of a relapse, the fear of failure. They stop us from making bad decisions based on previous events, but they also hinder us from reaching our full potential. The fear could holding us back within a good reason but it might also impede us from achieving something incredible.

With this in mind, I don’t know if would return to a moment from my past. The vagueness and uncertainty of memories make me hesitant towards this. But there is also the possibility of re-living ultimate happiness that makes me think it would be worth it. So despite the uncharted territory, I think going back to a moment in my past would be an intriguing experience.